Have you ever had friends in situations where the relationship they were in or were no longer in, made you look at them and think “You’re a damn fool!”? You know what I’m talking about, the couple who fights too much, the friend dating the asshole, the guy with the controlling girlfriend, the girl with the cheating boyfriend and so the list goes on.
I’ve been a part of them all, just not the cheating boyfriend one, however I do have my suspicions about one as one of his friends later confirmed that he was known to do so. Oh well, it was long ago and my hearts no longer invested, so I can’t be bothered with it. But yes relationships with too much fighting, an asshole and yes I’ve been the controlling girlfriend. So I know what I’m talking about and first hand for that matter. (This is where you take a huge gasp of air in unbelief and say to yourself “I thought she was perrrrfect!!??”)
Even though I provide coaching, there are those certain situations where my lack of patience gets the best of my inner thoughts when it comes to certain friends who I will/would never coach. The flip side of that is when I worked with one couple who I’m sure those around me thought “You’re a damn fool!” for working with them as they had “crazy” written all over them. But I had a gut feeling that they would work out, they just needed a lot of extra work, love and understanding. I was right, they’re still together and doing well, but at the time divorce papers were being sought after.
Here’s the thing though folks, sometimes we have to let people go on their own journeys. Figure out what works for them. They have to find their own way, because while you may perceive to know what is best, in all actuality you don’t know the choices they’ll make as a couple and/or the turns on their relationship road that they’re paving out. I’m a fix it person, so sometimes when I’m personally invested this will drive me nuts, but it’s that controlling side of me that I have to say “shut up” to and allow the cards to fall where they may.
Some people have to learn things on their own, the hurt runs too deep so they plunge away and you have to hold the raft secure under your arm. Then there are those who while may have lots of craziness going on, yet the relationship consists of two willing people with eager hearts to make it right (this was the couple I worked with, very willing hearts they just weren’t sure how to make it all work).
So while we may think people are fools for the choices they make in relationships, we have to allow them to make their own choices. We don’t know their hurt they may be walking out, we don’t know the sacrifices they’re willing to invest to bring the change needed and frankly, we don’t know whats best for their hearts.