Busy, busy, busy boy can I be busy and darn good at it at that! Multi-tasking sometimes feels like 2nd nature and while I thrive when I’m in that zone, it can also be rather exhausting. The unfortunate thing is I can often carry that same busyness with me when I’m in a relationship or dating. It looks like this most of the time, “What are we going to do? What time are we doing it? What are we doing after? If that plan doesn’t work out, what are our other options? What are you going to wear? I wonder how I should dress?”
I can’t remember who, but I remember being challenged by a guy who basically said something like “Arica can’t you just chill and be in the moment?” Needless to say that since that challenge I’ve learned to do just that, be in the moment and actually “be” in the relationship. I admit that with dating there are times where I still resort to my old methods of staying busy as feeling comfortable with someone takes time and wanting to “be” with them is something that is developed over time.
In my last relationship I really not only learned but enjoyed just “being” with my partner. While we may have travelled and experienced many adventures, my most fond memories were of us curled on the couch watching movies, or giggling as we would cuddle and hold each other during those Saturday mornings. I felt happy, fulfilled and settled. I really enjoyed just “being” in those moments.
We live very busy lives with so much going on, so the idea of just “being” can be one that’s rather unnerving. But most of the time, this is all our partners really want from us. We think we want the next diamond ring, the next fancy meal, the next show thats being performed, when what we really want is to be able to experience the presence of our lover right next to us. Sometimes their presence is enough and all we truly desire.
I can remember even being a little girl and spending time with my grandmother. I was incredibly close to her and lost her when I was only 7 years old, but as a grown woman I still return to my most fond memories of her that consisted of me staying the night at her house and sleeping next to her. She would put me to bed by sharing different stories with me from the past. To this day I can still remember her voice, the stories, the smell of her room, the smell of her breath. While I can’t tell you all the toys she may have bought me, I can tell you about our precious moments together where there were no other distractions and we had each others undivided attention.
Give your partner just that, those moments where you can be with them while giving all of you in that moment. Put the iPhone down, turn off everything around you, including your busy mind and just be with them. Often times we don’t understand the significance of our presence, but we have to understand that there is tremendous value when we offer our time to one another. It can never be replaced and theres no price tag that can ever be placed upon it.
So the next time your partner looks at you and their eyes say “Just be with me”, make sure that you give them just that.