Yesterday I shared with you about my own story about walking out my divorce, if you didn’t read it be sure to read it first at Part One: So Many Divorces, So Many Break Ups?? Ugh, back to my story and the tough subject of break ups and divorces. I wish we didn’t even have to cover this subject, but its real, it’s relevant and many people are going through it. When I knew I was committed to my decision to go through with my divorce, the questions began to roll from my belly.
What could I have done to prevent this? Who am I? Why did I get married in the first place? Was I really in love? Did he really love me, for me or what he expected out of me? Why didn’t I realize what I really wanted from the get go? Why didn’t I follow my gut when things didn’t feel right? Should I have listened to that person who said “Give it time, don’t rush it?” I was plagued with so many uncertainties and still there was a very young girl who had yet to grow up. My fascination with growing and developing internally had me go on the search of my life.
I began to read, almost devour books searching for my answers. Ultimately searching for me. I went out on dates, liked someone very quickly, got my heart broken quickly and then began to date like a mad woman. My love for dancing had me at the clubs constantly, I looked forward to my weekends, not to just get wasted, but to dance and let out all that I had pinned inside for years upon years. I looked into other religions, New Age, Buddhism, Scientology and took a break from the Christianity I had been brought up to believe. Those close to me, I’m sure were convinced that I had lost it, but at that point I was more consumed with getting my answers as opposed to making everyone else happy. Finally!
I watched people constantly, observing them to find answers inside of me. When I went on dates I asked questions, I shared my story, I was so hungry to just be known and understood. So I thought if I talked about my journey it would help me answer questions that I had yet to resolve. And it did, I moved beyond the fear of rejection and just talked about it. When I would listen to me share my story over and over, the answers would slowly trickle out as I would see what I had missed, what I wanted, what wasn’t working and where I had grown. It took time, but because I was so hungry inside to discover more of me and why my path went they way it did, I was willing to keep my heart open, pliable and vulnerable. (Everyone carries some form of an answer within them, when you spend time with people make sure you listen, they may share a key with you that you’ve been searching for.)
Finally my answers came. (For Part Three: So Many Divorces, So Many Break Ups?? tune in tomorrow.)