This is a 3 Part Series, so be sure to read Part One: So Many Divorces, So Many Break Ups?? and Part Two: So Many Divorces, So Many Break Ups?? I left off with me finding my answers. If I were to tell you I have all the answers I need in life, I’d be lying. If I told you I’m the Relationship/Dating guru with all the answers, that as well would not be the truth. If I told you that I am without flaws and I do all my relationship and dating with perfection that would be stupid for you to believe and I would slap you personally if you went for that!
No the truth is I’m flawed, I’m a hypocrite in some areas and I still have so much more improvement. (If you were hoping I’d be the perfect coach with all the answers you should leave my website now and go to Oprah’s page.) In my journey to find the answers I discovered one major truth. I would commit to be true to me and I would live that truth out loudly. And so I do.
I realized that I would spend the rest of my life being true to me, for loving me for everything that I am and yet to be. How does this relate to Relationships and Dating? Baby it has everything to do with it. You see I’m convinced we have so many break ups and divorces because we are not in tune with our hearts, we have no idea what we want, where we are going and we typically live life based on a reaction basis. Most often we spend very little time getting to know ourselves. We view desires as a luxury only obtained by the “special ones” or rich people. We forget having vision because we’re so caught up in the moment and just trying to survive that our dreams of the future remain a by product as opposed to our life compass.
Spend time exploring, travel, read books, spend time with other people that our outside your realm of comfort and allow yourself to grow. Who cares that most Americans spend their hours in front of a television watching the rest of the world supposedly living their lives on reality television. Become that person that chooses to live in this lifetime and not watch it pass you by. Get hobbies, become active, get your lazy ass to the gym. Say yes to dates, even if you may not spend the rest of your life with them, but if it’s for the simplicity of hearing someone else’s story and learning from them. Get in touch with your spirituality. Face your demons. Find the people in your life who really love you and spend plenty of time with them.
Answer these questions: What makes you valuable? What makes you different then others? What do you have that most people do not? What’s the one good thing that everyone says about you? On a perfect day, what would you spend your time doing? If there’s one thing you could improve about yourself what would it be? What are you going to do about it? Why should you love yourself? What is there to love about you? Will you commit to getting to know yourself and loving yourself better?
These are things that you’ve got to know. When we start finding these answers will allow ourselves the freedom to not only be loved, because we’re taking the time to love ourself by getting the answers to these questions, but we give love the opportunity to pour in. You say to that future love “I love me, I find myself valuable, I’m not running from chaos hoping you’ll rescue me, but I’m settled within and you can share in my adventure of this love life I have already created.
What if it looked like this? What if partners both came in to the marriage, the relationship understanding self love, understanding their own dreams and desires? What if the two merged based on these premises? Less divorces, less break ups? I’ll let you decide.