You're probably wondering what the heck this picture is?
"Arica have you gone completely mad and is this the product of your madness?"
Lol, no heavens calm down and take a breather!
It's actually a drawing from my 5 year old niece that says in 5 year old language "I love you Arica", with myself and her in the picture.
I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle, but if so than I'm quite sure you can understand my absolute full adoration I have for my niece.
This little magical creature, with long dark curly hair, the sweetest deep little brown eyes you'll ever look into and a voice that melts your heart in a million pieces, is my world.
So when she drew this picture for me, it triggered a response I wasn't
all prepared to have.
We were Face Timing, something her daddy is really sweet about doing for me since he knows this little biddy is my everything and that's when she said "Arica I drawed a picture for you!"
You can imagine I melted in that very moment. Like a Dairy Queen dip cone in the hot Texas heat.. She did her very best to show me the picture over face time, but the image was far too blurry.
I asked her dad to text message the picture to me so that I could see it clearly... I was too impatient to wait for it to be mailed to me.
That's when it felt like a mountain had cratered upon my heart. The second I saw the picture from my niece I felt such a deep, riveting love inside of me.
It was so intense, that my next emotion went from in very deep love to the actual opposite. Crazy, radical fear.
Questions began to pour out of me like a tsunami!
"How can I ever love another human being like this?" "How can I trust my heart to be this vulnerable and open to my own child?" "Could I ever fully allow myself to be so immersed in another little person and be accountable and totally responsible for their life??"
It was so intense that I could feel myself getting really worked up over it. My love for my niece impacts me deeply, so the thought of having my own child seemed almost unbearable.
Shocking right? Something so beautiful, turned for a disastrous turn in my heart.
I went from feeling immense to love, to out right pandemonium fear.
It was craaazy!!
Does love ever scare the sh%t out of you? Maybe the thought of someone getting close to you, knowing your hidden secrets, past hurts, parts of your story that you never want to bring up, nonetheless face?
Being responsible for another human being? Adjusting your schedule for another human being? Taking the time to understand someone else when you still feel oh so misunderstood?
I get it.
I hear it all the time from clients... They come to me willing and ready to find love, but once I get them to open up and the pages of their life story unfold I soon learn they're scared out of their mind to really be in love.
Doesn't "falling in love" sound so much easier? Oh but being in love and the cost that comes with it rings in such a different manner.
Maybe you think about falling in love, maybe you see another couple and you get inspired (get ready because it's the holidays... so YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO START SEEING A LOT OF COUPLES IN FULL LOVE MODE!!), but there's the resistance inside of you.
You go on dates, but there's always something wrong with the other person. You go out with your guys and think "Why would I ever tie myself down?? This is so much fun!!".. until you see that couple kissing on the corner as you walk home from the bar back into your lonely place to face the next morning doing life solo.
Is protecting, guarding or excusing all of this fear really worth it?
I say no.
You see while it scared the geepers out of me thinking of loving my own children the way I love my niece, I know deep down inside I really want my own children someday. I imagine being the most amazing mom, letting my hair down for them... even taking my stiletto's off for them, just so I can chase them around the house!
I see myself championing their dreams, feeding their identity to remain strong and pure and doing everything I can to make them laugh and feel loved and valued in the deepest way.
My desire is stronger than the fear.
So I know one day I will have to risk it all and share this tender, yet ever strong heart of mine with a precious little one I can call my own.
The same goes for you.
You'll want to find that place of desire inside of you that far outweighs the fear and all the loud drama fear plays out in your mind.
You'll want to understand your desire for love, finding the woman of your dreams and why just simple things like seeing her smile and playing with her hair, will bring far more redemption to your heart that aches to experience such real love.
Are you scared? Well I was too... but my desire is stronger. So will yours be.
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