As simple as conversation may sound to be, it's a topic that brings anxiety to the best of men.
And I only work with the best ;) (Can you tell I'm obsessed with my clients? They ROCK!!!!)
Why? Why is conversation so hard?
I'll tell you why.
Because we feel the weight of rejection behind what we say or do not say.
"If I tell her I like mountain climbing, she may think I'm lame."
"If I tell her that my friends and I still play video games, she make think I'm a loser."
"If I tell her that I don't like the wine the waiter just brought, she may think I'm pretentious."
You see on the other side of every "If I tell her..." is what you think she'll think of you.
Here's the thing.
When you second guess yourself like that, she's already going to start feeling distant around you.
Because your lack of certainty in regards to how you want to express yourself translates into energy, energy that she can feel. Whether she's tuned in or not.
You've felt it, I'm sure.
You're in a confined spot and then all of the sudden someone with lots of anxiety and whole lot of fidgeting comes around you and what happens? You feel start to feel it too.
It's like the yawn effect. You see someone yawn and yep you guessed it, you yawn too.
No one wants to feel uncomfortable when they're trying to get to know another person. Meeting a stranger for some can be a challenge in itself. So having awkward conversation makes things even more uncomfortable for both parties.
What do you do?
Quit focusing on her. Focus on what you want to say. Focus on what matters to you.
Whenever I'm on a date and I really like the guy and I want to get to know him, it's important for me to share things that are important to me.
My family, what I enjoy doing, etc.
The minute you hold back sharing what matters to you to accommodate her expectations or wishes, you've just put a massive filter on your mouth. Now everything you say is not the real you.
Which, duh! That's why she's on the date, to get to know you.
The next time you're about to go on a date. Have a conversation with yourself about what matters to you. What is it that you want to share and what parts of your personality that you want her to see.
Make it about you. Grant it, you want to ask her questions, hear her story, be sincere with what she shares and create conversation out of that.
But most importantly know that what you have to say matters.
Most men forget this and it gets them tongue tied every time.
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