When dating there’s always that awkward point when you realize things aren’t working out, or the person you’ve dated isn’t someone that you really see yourself doing life with. Or that moment where you find yourself dating someone more often than you intended and you really are content being single, so you have to come forward and tell the person that you’re not in the “serious zone”. This can be tricky.
For those who are cut throat about it, it’s not so tricky, it is what it is and they lay it on the line. If this is you, make sure that you’re doing it with finesse and not cutting the person at the throat, otherwise it can be damaging. Being tough and hurting people is not the winning combination. So be sure to use tact and come from a place of compassion.
However those who struggle in the break up/ending area, it’s not so cut and dry. Typically people who are softy’s (yes I am a softy too, so I’m with ya) don’t find the ending transition the smoothest of sails. Softy’s will often times torment themselves, go through their mind over and over as to why the person is a good person and negotiate with themselves as to why they should stick around. Despite the fact that they may be miserable, they’re concerned as to how the other person will be affected.
Well there’s a couple of ways around this. For one, the distance technique is the universal “I’m not interested” or “This isn’t working” notice. Typically guys are much better at this, but us ladies are learning and are coming to a place where we implement this as well. You cut back on the text messages, the responses are much slower and the readiness to see the other person either dwindles or comes to a screeching halt. These are the signals that one is just not as into the other any longer. Most people will get the idea and reciprocate with the same responses, however there are those who are completely oblivious to this and need a more direct form of communication.
For those who need a “Listen…” this is the best way to handle this group. Communicating with words like “I feel like…” or “I really want…” are more tender and gracious ways to handle things. Listen, rejection is never nice and no one signs up for it with eagerness. You always want to be respectful and mindful of the person, heavens you’ve chosen to spend time with them so there has to be some value there. But for the ones who need very direct communication, these are the ones you have to lay it on the line with.
They are the ones that despite how sweet or how plainly you put it, they want you and everything you say to them comes out like “blah, blah blah” as they’re thinking “Okay so when’s our next date?” For these types you have to place very strong boundaries and direct communication almost has to come across as rude. They hear what they want to hear and your words fall on deaf ears. Their agendas are on the forefront of their minds and what you want holds little value as long as its not in alignment with what they want. This is a no win situation for you. Abandon ship and throw the anchor back on the boat!
It’s never worth it to stay unhappy. Those who read between the lines are far more comfortable to work with, I’m being very transparent here. However the ones that you have to communicate thoroughly with are a bit more challenging and help bring us out of our comfort zones. The hard headed, stubborn ones are the worst and I find that if they’re too rude to honor my wishes, then they are asking for their behavior to be mirrored. ”No, buzz off!” comes to mind.
Ending things is never fun, however remaining in something where both parties are miserable is never worth it. (Disclaimer here: This is not for marriages, I am referring to scenarios where it’s been casual, non-exclusive dating.) Communicate your needs and desires and take the necessary actions to implement the boundaries that serve the situation at hand and yourself.