Yesterday I promised that I would share how your friendships can effect your Dating and Relationships, so as promised, here ya go! Little did we know that greater forces are at work in our love lives, apart from you and the other person. Oh yes, these greater forces are also known as your “friends”!
Your friends opinions, words and body language, all play a vital role in your love life, whether you realize it or not. A roll of the eyes, a nod of the head, a cough at just the right time, are all ways your friends are giving their approval or disapproval for that matter. And whether or not you want to admit it, their thoughts mean very much to you.
With that in mind, selecting who you surround yourself with is something you really want to take into consideration. Their input can either edify or tear your relationship apart. Along with that, their opinions also play a hidden role as to how you even value yourself.
So let’s take this one at a time. Despite how much we pride ourselves on our independence, the truth of the matter is, we value what our friends have to say. If we didn’t, then we wouldn’t surround ourselves with them and make them apart of our lives. Instead, we’d keep them in the “acquaintance” category and move on. But the fact of the matter is, they are in our lives and with that comes their opinions, thoughts and views.
Needless to say, they’re going to have their 2 cents that they’ll want to put in, on your dating life or relationships. Why not, they’re your friends and they love you, so it only makes sense. However, when that friend isn’t bringing value to the table and bringing division on the tail end of his/her comments, you’ve got problems.
A seed planted of “He’s probably….. (you fill in the blank)”, can get that mind of yours spinning so fast, a Ferrari would have problems keeping up with your thoughts! Or a “He should be…__________”, can create problems and realities that didn’t exist, but you now find yourself needing to bring some correction to.
When it comes to valuing yourself, if you’re friend is constantly telling you what you should and/or should not be doing, what triggers out of that is self doubt. You begin to think “Why didn’t I see that?” ”I must not be that bright if I’ve tolerated this?” ”She’s probably right, man I’m an idiot!”
What I’ve found in my very own friendships, grant it, my friends are magnificent, is that I have people who value, respect and cherish me. So when it comes to their 2 cents in my life, it looks a bit like this. ”Arica, I trust your wisdom, however you may want to look at this…” ”I can see where the guy you’re with is great, he really has these amazing attributes, but have you considered…” ”Arica, I really just love you, so if you feel like this works for you, then my heart for you is for you to be happy.” Or, “Arica, I’m not saying he’s awful, however I just see that you’re not happy, so I’m a bit concerned.”
You see, it statements like these, thats not tearing the person I’m with, apart. When you tear someone’s partner or choices apart, you’re placing little value on their personal decisions and saying you know better. Not only that you know better, but you’re far more capable of making better choices for them.
We take freedom away from people when we try to control their lives, or dictate how they should make choices. Rather than empowering them, we debilitate them, undermining their personal value and the one they’re with.
All in all, it’s very important who we surround ourselves with. We want friendships that make us better. Picking people apart is super easy, that takes little strength and wit for that matter. However, building, loving and choosing to see the best, requires far more patience and character. So make wise decisions with who you spend your time with, Friends and Your Dating/Relationships!