I can’t tell you how many people I meet who think that dating is so terribly hard. While those of us who are out enjoing dating, these strugglers find themselves getting incredibly frustrated and apathetic in terms of pursuing a dating lifestyle. They listen to the story of their friends as they relish about their one date after the next, all while thinking to themselves “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I enjoy this?”
Well I have a little secret that I’ve carried around since a teenager, one that my dad would often tease me over. When I was younger my dad would say (referring to my thoughts on boys and myself) “Yes Arica, they want you, they ALL want you!” To which I would respond “Shut up Dad!” and walk off with a hidden grin. He was right, I secretly thought that if I was interested in a guy, I could have him. Whether if it was the satisfaction of him talking to me and agreeing to my mutual attraction or if we walked away holding hands, in some token I was convinced that if I were interested, I would find a common ally.
Conceited? Delusional? Confident? I haven’t really decided, however this same (I’ll go with confidence) confidence that I had as a teenager, I’ve carried with me into adulthood. Whenever I’m out and about, if I see someone that I find interesting in the back of mind and somewhere inside of me I walk into the situation knowing that I’ll be welcomed. Walking with the mindset, that state of knowing is what also enables me to approach anyone I’m interested in.
While out with a girlfriend I had my eyes scanning the room for brilliant looking men. I guess I’m a huntress when I’m single as I find it exhilarating. Typically I’m not always wanting someone to chat with for the rest of the night, someone to exchange phone numbers with and so on, but just the hunt and the opportunity to have conversation is enough for me to enjoy it all. So her and I were speaking to a guy that I initially thought was good looking, however after 2 minutes of conversation I was bored and our personalities were not in sync. Okay honestly his laugh drove me nuts and I wanted to abandon ship asap.
My friend however was gracious enough to carry conversation as I scanned the room. Eyes rolling to and fro, this eagle had landed and her eyes were set on a stunning being. My friend said good evening to the gentleman with the obnoxious laugh and I said “We’re going over there, there’s a gorgeous guy that I have got to say hello to!” I’ve learned by experience to always do a close “walk by”, meaning you walk by them because distance can often be deceiving. So we did our walk by and sure enough BINGO, he was indeed stunning. So I decided I was going to talk to him.
As we talked he shared that he was in a relationship (PEOPLE: IF THEY ARE MARRIED OR IN A RELATIONSHIP, that means NO GO…BACK THE HELL OFF!) which explained why he was only talking to guys and not checking out other women. He was gracious and extended compliments that were well received and I thought to myself “Damn, lucky girl, whoever she is, lucky lucky woman!” He not only was gorgeous, but he was well spoken, confident, dressed well and had a great voice.
Later on that evening at another location (singles you do no want to be seen as that person flirting/talking to everyone in the room… hence.. change location!! I did several times that night) I saw another gentleman who I found to be attractive. Though he was attractive, for me this is NEVER enough, after speaking to him I realized he had baggage, major insecurity and just wasn’t my style. Later on I watched as I saw he also had drama, needless to say I fled the scene without a good bye. However once again, he was spotted and the confidence was there for me, but there wasn’t enough there with him to encourage me to want to stick around.
Confidence is that initial thing you’ll need to get you in the game. Confidence and movement. If you’re lacking in confidence, then get in the habit of moving. Spend time in the mirror getting acquainted with your attributes. When friends pay you compliments, listen, they’re showing you your value so pay attention. We all have many things to be confident over. It’s not just about looks, many times I’ve passed over the “most attractive guy” for the guy who had more confidence and personality, so don’t go there.
There’s my secret… I walk into the situation with a “knowing”. What do you know about you?
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