It’s interesting as we grow with life, there are things that change and change often. Yet there are those things that also remain true, no matter how much life changes, in the end you find yourself still wanting what you’ve always wanted.
For my heart, there are those certain things that I’ve always wanted out of a relationship, but with the changes of life, I would find myself compromising here and there. I’ve compromised on looks, personalities, occupations, you name it, I’ve taken the time to see hearts and adjusted what I wanted to make it work.
I believe that life often requires a lot of compromise, however there are those heart things that we will always want and seek after. Every time that I’ve found myself compromising in a relationship, that loud roar in my heart always found its way in one form or another to cry out, “This isn’t all that I want!”
Just last night I shared with a friend that I sometimes wish I was built a bit differently, that I didn’t want so much and I could just settle for a normal life. Yet that settling would forever cause me to be frustrated and my heart would always find a way to scream out in one way or another.
In wanting so much, it also comes with a cost. We praise the dreamer, however what we often don’t see is when the dreamer is in the trenches with a flashlight, doing his best to find the path to what he truly wants. This is where I wish I was built to want less, because the road of the dreamer is often challenging and it’s not as clear cut as other paths.
But this heart of mine has a much stronger roar than what I’ve ever imagined and so when I’ve found myself once again compromising, it would yell “Oh no, this is NOT happening.” You’d think I would learn my lesson and just not settle, but the softy in me finds the good and so the compromising starts to take place.
All along what I’ve wanted has remained the same, despite how much I’ve tried to negotiate myself out of it. I’ve always been drawn to entrepreneurs, the man who makes his own path. Personality is huge to me, someone who can make me laugh and cause my eyes to light up is so important to me. A gentleman who has class, a tender heart and a voice that makes me melt inside.
I want someone who values having a real relationship with God, something bigger than himself, someone who’s not afraid to expose himself to the vulnerability to trust another with his life. A man who knows how to dress, knows what makes my heart comes alive and is a willing participant to make that happen.
Looks, well that list is very long and the only time I’ve seen him is in a GQ magazine. Call me shallow, but there’s nothing like a man with longer dark, wavy hair, piercing deep blue eyes, a jaw line that could cut steel and teeth that I can see my face sparkle in. I found one actor who fit this description, but then learned that he was below 6ft and no speaka English very good! Ah shucks.
Point is what I’ve wanted, I’ve always wanted, it doesn’t change. So I’d meet another love that would possess some of these qualities and negotiate with my heart in the midst of the relationship. “Well they do this _______ well and probably better than the rest, so this has to be it.” But my heart would never follow my valid negotiations and while it has been a painful process, I know my heart is right.
I can’t reiterate enough how important it is to get in tune with our hearts and to really let it have its voice. Just last night I did it, I gave my heart its voice and it said many things I was shocked to hear.
It was important for my heart to have its voice, to say all it needed to say about this time and space in my life. I gave my heart the permission to vent, along with a gracious friend who just listened to me in the process.
Listen to your heart it truly knows what’s best when given the real freedom to be. Once you’ve heard its voice, ask for the strength and courage to follow through on its desires. While you may be willing to compromise and negotiate, your heart on the other hand may not be willing to do so.
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