I have friends who have either gone through break ups or are recently coming out of them. Deciding on breaking up can be a really difficult decision to make, but the follow through can be even just as challenging. You know the relationship just isn’t going to work, but you can’t seem to move past the need for their companionship. You miss their laughs, their smiles, their touch and overall their presence. This is where it can be confusing and the weight of scales gets tossed around.
1 for yes I love them, 1 for I can’t be with them. 1 for I love their personality, 2 for I hate the way they lie. 2 for their humor, 1 weight for the fact that their temper can be unbearable. And so we go through the rationalizing process where we try to convince our logic of one way or the other. Your heart, or emotions are screaming “BUT I MISS THEM”, while logic steps in and says “they’re just not suitable for you baby.”
While going through the break up and trying to figure it out, old memories seem to find their way into the process, thus making things even more difficult. You see your favorite restaurant and you let out a sigh. You run into your old group of friends that you shared and you sigh. You go to the mall and you see their style of clothing and you sigh, you can’t help but miss them. All of these memories while beautiful, can also present the challenge of “Do you want to hold on or do you want to go on?”
I call it the “In or Out” process. When the sigh comes out that’s attached to the memory of your former lover, do you hold in the sigh and let it resonate with your heart, camping in the old emotions of having them with you? Or do you let the sigh out, while being thankful for the memory, you let it out because it’s just that, a memory. It’s part of your past and you’re now doing your best to move on to the future.
You see if you’re trying to move on, but yet you still find yourself holding onto the memories and allowing the sighs to settle back into your heart, you’re keeping yourself in a vicious cycle that will never allow you to move on. However when the memory surfaces and you know you want to move on, the best thing to do is to breathe it out and say “thank you for that precious moment in my life, but now I have to move on as I have other things to look forward to.” It’s a process that you have to be very conscious of, otherwise you’ll find yourself holding on for far too long and feeling frustrated as to why you’re not making any progress.
If you decide to hold it in, then give yourself a heads up and realize you may not be ready to move past your break up. And that’s okay too, as I said in my previous writing http://www.aricaangelo.com/break-ups-moving/ sometimes our hearts need to process and that journey make look different then others. So while some may quickly move on, you may need a bit more time. OR there’s the possibility that the two of you will work out and you’re just in a time where there’s separation thats needed so that you both can gain some clarity on your emotions and what you want.
So remember, with the memories of a break up you have two options, you can breathe it in or you can simply breathe it out. Just remember to be aware of whats going on inside and give yourself to process the best way you know how.