Singles today can get so wrapped up on what the opposite sex is going to take from them, that they forget the whole importance of dating is an adventure and what you can actually get.
I was chatting with my significant other the other night and we were talking about my journey as a dating/relationship expert and my own dating experiences. As we were discussing it my aha came and I said "Of all my relationships that I've had since my divorce, they've all come out of not having any expectations on them."
Meaning each one I went into it and not expecting nor necessarily wanting a relationship. Whatever the situation was, I was glad to be hanging out with them and getting to know them. There wasn't an expectation like "that dude's got to be my boyfriend."
In fact that's how I dived into dating. When I first started dating after my divorce, I wasn't looking to find a new husband, I was looking to find out who I was. Dating was my rollercoaster and ride to figure that all out.
Going into it with that as my precedence, I found myself enjoying dating a lot! So much so that my buddy suggested that I start writing about it and that's why you and I are here today. I allowed myself to go on the adventure and I found out I liked it a lot.
When I hear people say "dating is so hard", I can tell you that person has an expectation they're not getting. We all need to have goals and things we're working towards, but when that vision takes away your joy in what you're doing now, that's just wrong.
Screw that. If it's not fun, I'm not going to do it! Many single men will ask me, "when do I kiss her?" "When should I ask her out?" "How do I get her to like me?" "How do I get out of the friend zone with her?"
Most of the time, I'm like damn, can't you enjoy her for who she is and see what happens next? But no, homeboy can't enjoy her because he's so wrapped up in what he's got to do next to make her his, that who she is gets left in the dust.
You've got to have goals. You've got to keep your eyes on the prize. Yes and yes, but adventures are mean't to be enjoyed. That woman you're going crazy over can take you on the adventure of a lifetime, but if you think you've got to control and dictate how that happens, you're about to be bitch slapped by life.
Pursue yes, but obsessing on where it has to go, or fretting what she may take from you in the process will get you nowhere. No I take that back, it will drag you into the pit of frustration and that pit sucks.
Women will not rob you of your soul, but they will take you on the adventure of a lifetime that will have you thanking God you're alive. If your dating doesn't have you losing your breath from time to time, or if it doesn't have you hanging on for dear life, I assure you you're not doing it right.
Instead of holding onto fear of what could happen or having an expectation that it should happen a particular way, instead throw your hands up in the air and scream "Hell, I'm going for a ride! Adventure.. BRING IT!"
I assure this is a much more fun way to date and it will allow you to enjoy yourself as a single.
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