Interesting title right? Well it’s the truth, the more I explore dating or watch the dating world around me, I think to myself “We have a lot to unlearn.” Pick up a tabloid, read a tabloid giving dating advice, or go to some dating advice guru’s out there and you’ll quickly realize that everything that is being talked about is the complete opposite of love.
Play games. Pass people off if they don’t meet your initial expectations. If their income doesn’t meet what you’re looking for, they must be a loser. So she’s not a 10, pass her up, plenty other 10′s out there. Yuck they said the wrong thing, must be an idiot, just walk away. Why in the world would you actually take the time to ask them what they meant? Didn’t offer your girlfriends a drink, must be broke and why talk to a broke guy? Little did you know that he’s supporting his parents right now, so he’s doing best to be wise with his money rather than spending $80 on perfectly random girls, he’s choosing to hold on to his hard earned dollars.
Of course you’re really interested in 2 other people, who cares? What’s one more to that list? Ladies how many dinners can you get out of him? Men, how many dinners does it take to get to the cookies? These days I can assure you not too many, couple of nights of fancy sushi and that coochie will be paid for in no time!
Let’s say we do start dating them, but then they piss us off! Out the door they go and on to the next one! Why use things like communication to resolve anything, hell when there are so many other options out there? Besides you don’t have to put up with that, who do they think you are? Well let me throw some cold water in your face and tell you once you commit to marriage, there is a LOT that you will have to put up with and simply walking away won’t always work. No because then you’ll have assets to divide, children to split up and silverware to debate over, so not so simple to walk away from. Your girlfriends/guyfriends brilliant advice of walk out and leave no longer levels up with the equation.
Today my pastor said something that was quite fantastic. He shared that our “modern america” idea is that marriage is “supposed to make us happy” and that while there is some truth to that, ultimately there’s a lot more to marriage. First off, we’re learning that it’s up to us to be happy, despite whether or not we have a significant other. But the other thing that should, mind you I said “should” come with marriage is growing up.
That proverb “iron sharpens iron” is the absolute truth when it comes to marriage, or even relationships for that matter. While we should be very happy in our relationships, when they push our buttons we have options, “grow up” or “whine about it and remain a child”. I’ve witnessed older people who are married and though while being married for years, their strategies for resolving things in their marriage is that of a 2 year old. There is no solution to resolve, but they whine, moan, yell and complain, while never growing up.
Then you have the other marriages that when situations arise, they put on the boxing gloves and work through it, while the boxing gloves usually dissolve into love and hugs. So while we should be very happy in our relationships, we should also be growing up and sometimes that process isn’t pleasant, nor does it feel very happy.
Being a strong woman I’ve had people say, “You need a “yes” man.” That comment insults me and I completely resent it. Listen I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m rough around the edges, I don’t have it altogether and am a work in progress, with that said, the last thing I need is a “yes man”, but someone with balls and a heart of gold to say “no sweetheart, we’re not doing that.”
Relationships, marriages all take work. Our philosophies, often mistaken friends who mean to give good advice, but are giving the WRONG ADVICE because it’s not centered around love, but selfishness and self help mags are pointing us in the wrong direction. Therefore as a result, we have a lot to unlearn. The next time someone offers advice or you read that top 10 of what not to do with dating/relationships, make sure that you check it’s premises. If it’s not based on love, then it will NEVER get you the results that will leave you satisfied.
Love is what makes it happen, love is what makes us happy. Anything aside from that is a delusion, a false hope, a false system. And don’t think that you wait until you get married to start implementing love. No the way you treat others now, the way you love or not love strangers, the ones you’re meeting in the clubs, will be the building blocks of your character. The building blocks of your love.