Webster says that to Validate means:
b : to recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy of
I wonder if Webster realized that when defining this word that it would also play a huge role in relationships? Validating your significant other is huge and if you’re wondering where the paddle to your love sailboat went, well the word “validation” would be that oar you’ve been seeking to find. A simple “I understand” can work wonders and pull your partner out of “I’m alone” to once again remembering “We’re a team.”
If you didn’t read yesterdays blog.. gosh I hate that term.. writing I meant, click here http://www.aricaangelo.com/learned-button/ as I share about the importance of being understood, it ties into what I have to say today. Being understood is something your partner is really hoping you get. But not only being understood, but validated. Validation says “Not only do I hear what you’re saying, but I get it” and to some degree “I get you.”
I have a friend/counselor who is probably the king of validation. I’ve worked out my own stuff with him on many occasions and because I feel so validated when I share my story with him, it enables me to share more, become more vulnerable and with that transparency the core issues begin to pour out of my heart. However I’ve also been on the other side of being completely unvalidated and it shuts me down like a steel door.
Grant it our validation cannot come solely from our partner. Validating ourselves is huge, otherwise we’ll spend our entire lives spinning our wheels in search of others to give us a fat “yes” over our lives. But in a relationship it’s no longer just about you and how great of a job you do with yourself, but also allowing your significant other to have a voice in your life. Naturally we want that voice to be affirming and oh yes of course, validating.
Even if you’re not in a relationship you can practice on your friends. Take the time to validate them and their needs. It’s a beautiful practice to incorporate into our lives as we spread the love when we give someone the gift of validating them or whatever part of their journey that needs to be heard.
In our self-dependent age I almost want to shy away from even writing on a topic like this. However there is so much freedom in the ability to share the gift of validating another. Even validating their beauty, intelligence, success, it doesn’t always have to be hearing a sad story. No we can validate one another in our strengths as well.
Validation in relationships a beautiful gift that doesn’t cost anything, but just love and openness.