Online dating, it's not just at your computer anymore. Oh no! We've taken it to the palm of our hands.
We swipe and we swipe hard, that is if your on the online dating app that lets you swipe to the left or... to the right.
It sounds so freakin easy, right?
You're swiping, you're responding to winks and if you see one more selfie
that looks nothing like the person you're on the date with, chances are online dating is not as easy you hoped it'd be.
Singles are constantly complaining that online dating is not the walk in the park they expected.
My clients complain about it. My guy friends complain about it. My girlfriends complain about it.
Last night I did my live call for my exclusive membership group and I told them that I as a dating coach was even concerned for some of the guys I was talking to about their online dating woes.
"Are their pictures that crappy, do they really look that hideous?" But that wasn't it.
I have a guy friend who's very attractive and he said "It's like none of these women even respond to me, what's wrong with me?"
That one broke my heart.
We get it. Online dating isn't the easiest thing to do. Does it work? Yes of course, I have friends who have found their soul mates online, but can it be a challenge? Yes.
As I was sharing with my members last night, I had an epiphany.
Everyone's trying to date, but they're all dating from a jail cell.
Yes a jail cell, you heard me.
This is what I mean.. Don't fret there will be no soap on a rope in this jail cell.
I see/hear people who share their defeats with online dating and really it makes me sad. My heart is to see everyone in a meaningful relationship.. so when I hear that people are struggling it breaks me inside.
While I hear these countless frustrations, it's usually all based around the idea that online dating isn't doing the job.
People suck. Men suck. Women suck...... and the majority of online daters aren't getting what they want.
Here comes the jail cell part..
My epiphany was this, what if the problem isn't online dating? What if people actually don't suck?
What if the jail cell you're in (that frustration chamber that has you locked up and keeping you from meeting your soul mate) is not because online dating isn't the golden ticket you hoped for, or that every woman out there just hates your guts...
You may not be in tune with what you really want.
What the heck Arica? OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT I WANT!!!
Yah so did I, or so I thought.
In our call last night I talked about how when I initially started dating, I had it all laid out as to what I wanted in a partner.
Style: Well starched shirts with cufflinks attached
Car: Presentable and shiny
Characteristics: Ambitious, open minded, personable, life of the party
Looks: Good jaw line and a great smile.
To me this was my ideal guy... so I dated these type of men.
These guys bored me to freaking tears!!!!
Corporate guys were so rigid!
Starched shirts became boring and those cufflinks all started looking the same.
6'2.. a bit too tall for my frame.. I'll leave the rest to your imagination as to why this isn't always best.
Thankfully I knew to date outside of what I thought I wanted. I wanted to have fun with dating.. so I opened myself up and dated outside of my comfort zone.
What did I learn? ... I love European men! I love men who are not so tied down to a regimen! Life of the party? Buddy nooo! Move out of the way.. there's only one star here...AND THAT'S ME!!
I hope you get what I'm saying.
It took me years to figure this out.
That which I thought I wanted, was not what I wanted.
Ultimately I love genteel men. I love a man who knows how to care well. I find men who aren't excellent at being tender and thoughtful frustrating, disappointing and I end up wanting to pull my hair out.
I'm going to challenge you to reevaluate what you think you want.
I want to challenge you to get out of the jail cell. That jail cell of not being clear what your heart wants is keeping you enslaved. It's debilitating you.
Your frustrated from not getting what you want, but I can assure you that what your heart wants and what your mind is looking for are not on the same path.
Spend some time getting to know you. In doing so, you'll be shocked with what you actually learn about yourself and how that translates into what you actually want in a partner.
Like me, the cold corporate guy would completely annihilate the way my heart is designed. The genteel gentleman that I once would've dismissed as too wimpy or would've kept in the "friend zone"... is the exact man that my heart relaxes with. I can let my hair down and my heart opens up to him...
Get to know yourself and as you do, the jail cell disappears.
Want to hear the live call? Find out where you can here.