Have you ever tried to date with a lot of intensity? Meaning you have a mission, you’re determined to meet the love of your life and nothings going to stop you. You walk into restaurants, clubs and grocery stores with a fierce determination in your eyes of “Damnit I’m gonna find love!” Every potential good looking person that walks by gets examined head to toe so that you can be certain whether or not they’re it.
If a clown approaches you with cheesy pick up lines, you practically deck them over the head with your cell phone as you scream, “YOU’RE WASTING MY TIME, GET OUT OF MY FACE!!!” That’s right you’re on a mission and a second wasted could be the very second that your future love could’ve walked by. This is no game and no joking matter. Your intensity level is at a 10 and there’s nothing that’s going to hold you back.
Two words: Calm down. That’s right, take a deep breath and then splash your face with some cold water because you’re in dire need to simmer down. I understand that you know what you want, you’re tired of waiting and now you’ve decided to take matters into your own hands, trust me I get it. Boy do I get it.
To say that I’ve done this a time or two, is an understatement. I can’t tell you how many nights I went out as a single lady looking for love, ferociously. Just as I’m writing this I can think of so many other areas in my life where I’ve done this. The thing is that while I went out on the “hunt” I found that my evenings were wasted, drowned in my over seriousness to find love.
Going home disappointed, I would find myself saying “Boy this night was a waste. I should’ve held off on wearing that hot dress!” Not realizing that my “hunt” for the future Mr. Right was robbing me of my present.
Oooo but when I did the opposite, that’s when my results seemed to proved so different. In fact every time I’ve found myself in a meaningful relationship was when I was doing something quite the contrary. Having fun!!!!!
Once I was at a conference , work related and I was running around enjoying being a beautiful, single woman. There was a particular guy I had been interested in who attended these conferences; so I thought it would’ve been great to bump into him if he were there. Sure enough he attended, we hit it off and we ended up pursuing a relationship together. At that point, a relationship was the last thing on my mind, I was enjoying being a single lady and all the perks associated with it. However when you meet someone that you enjoy and others become uninteresting, things turn towards a different course!
Another time I was out on a business trip to LA, when a fellow friend suggested that I meet up with someone for business purposes. Once again, in single girl mode I had no ferocity to find a relationship, I was enjoying where I was in the moment. I kid you not, I saw a random friend out on Hollywood Blvd who was doing interview for a television program he hosted. Well relationships came up and out of my mouth I said “I’m not really interested in that right now, I’m more focused on my career.” I should’ve held my tongue as the date I went on that night changed matters.
What was intended as a meeting turned into a date. He made me laugh all night, he was charming, endearing and I was melting! We ended up spending all of our free time together that weekend and I couldn’t stop thinking about him once I returned home. I had plans to move to LA and once I did, my heart was already taken.
Definitely wasn’t part of the plan, as anyone in LA knows that arriving to LA with a new relationship is not ideal. The saying “bringing sand to the beach” comes to mind. However when my heart is involved, cliches and any other words of so called wisdom go out the door. My heart was happy and I wasn’t interested in opening it to others to have a chance at getting in.
Point is, in both scenarios I was having a wonderful time being single. Sure I loved going on dates, but I wasn’t on a hunt to find my next love. I was loving life, myself and being single. The intensity, the “hunt” were not on my agenda, however having fun was.
Let go, don’t be so uptight and don’t be so aggressive. Try to have fun again! Remember dating is supposed to fun. It’s okay to have purpose to have goals, but when the goal robs you of your present, it’s then that you really find yourself with wasted time! Leave the intensity at home and go out and have some fun!