The other day I was chatting with someone and we discussed marriage. She said “Well whoever you choose to marry will have big shoes to fill!” I was kind of taken back when she said this, though it’s something I’ve always known and have felt deep inside, it was sort of a shock to hear it come out of someone else’s mouth. Its those moments where you feel seen, that what you know in your core is revealed to someone outside of your thoughts and dreams.
It was rather validating to hear this as it came from a woman who is highly respectable and beyond me in years. While I know this, I tend to be very introspective and am constantly looking for ways to improve myself. I’m never really satisfied, but make the time to tell myself where I love me and to make that a real focus. Of course then there are my flaws, where I’ve majorly screwed things up and hurt the people I love in my life. Those things I try to not dwell on because it really drives me crazy and brings me down.
I think those areas are not to be avoided, but there also the scenes you don’t want to park and camp out at. That’ll lead you to depression in no time and it’s not beneficial to anyone to remain there. Apart from all of the introspection, when this comment was made to me it caused me to shift roles for a bit. Naturally I have taken account of the men that I’ve allowed myself to be in relationship with. There are those particular qualities I look for such as tenderness, humor, generosity and someone whom I feel relaxed to communicate with me.
Secretly I would also picture as to how these gentleman would look in a tuxedo, carry conversation if I brought them to a professional dinner, or in my dreams, how they would look escorting me down a red carpet. Would they be able to handle it all, could they hold their own if I needed to walk away? I’m an attractive woman, so would they be capable of handling the attention I tend to get without feeling like our relationship was compromised?
The “Big Shoes to Fill” statement really turned my mind around. While I’ve taken many things into consideration, I feel that theres so much more that I should be aware of. Maturity, Spirituality, Integrity, Perseverance, Emotional Well-Being, Vulnerability, Selfless Love.. these are a mouthful, but are all qualities that I take in account when considering the man I will choose.
Sometimes we can get so focused on what we do and what we can provide, that attitude is good and is conducive to becoming a better you for you. Hopefully your partner will be able to experience the benefit of your hard work, but we must be able to dually look at not only our own self expectations, but those in which we would like to see in our potential partner.
So are you the kind of person who will require someone to fill “Big Shoes”?